Sunday, 28 July 2019

Bruce Fountain Falkland in 3D by me 28July19

Photogrammetry model of Bruce Fountain in Falkland Square, Fife, by Alexander Roos of London, 1856. Octagonal base with lions holding shields, above these an octagon of open-cusped arches under a crocketed spire.

The Buildings of Scotland: Fife by John Gifford

Photos taken 28 July 2019 with Samsung Galaxy 8 phone camera.

I didn't have Schizoaffective Disorder in 2002; Psychiatrist got it wrong

yesterday after Perth Pool swim
I didn't have Schizoaffective Disorder in 2002 when Psychiatrist put me on cocktail of neurotoxins after I briefly became a voluntary patient of Lomond Ward, Stratheden Hospital, Fife, in the March.  The antipsychotic Risperidone they made me swallow (detained me for 72hrs to legally coerce) depressed me just like the Chlorpromazine forcibly injected when mental patient in Hartwoodhill, Lanarkshire, 1978 and 1984, following "puerperal psychosis".

It was much easier back then to make a full recovery, tapering the antipsychotic within the year, harder after 2002 drug prescribing and mental disorder diagnosis labelling.   Within a few months the Psychiatrist had me on Risperidone, Venlafaxine, Sodium Valproate, Zoplicone and Lorazepam (as required).  I read this in the Notes which I got a copy of last year, also that after swallowing a bottle of Venlafaxine on impulse I was having fits in the ambulance to Ninewells Hospital.  Didn't know until years later, around 2013, that suicidal impulse was a side effect of this antidepressant, also bone loss on max dose at the menopause, hence my 3 fractures on fibula and 6in titanium plate, March 2005.  After the overdose Psychiatrist upped Venlafaxine to max dose, I wasn't on the Valproate for long or the Zoplicone, used Lorazepam sparingly.  Then he put me on Lithium to "augment" the antidepressant.  I had to taper them all, one by one, under my own steam, resisting lifelong mental illness prognosis.

It was a mystery as to why I had suddenly shattered my fibula when only walking downstairs in Cupar Library after a job interview, accompanied by 3 of the interviewers who called the ambulance and again I was transported to Ninewells because of Venlafaxine.  It didn't stop me doing the library job, mostly standing at the counter, also driving around to various NE Fife branch libraries doing relief work.  A year later, May 2006, I was successful in getting a FT post at Adam Smith/Fife College as an Employability Co-ordinator, involving setting up a student mentoring project and finding work placements for students who were disabled, long term unemployed or had other barriers to work.

newspaper strapline by me!
I only found out in around 2006 about my psychiatric diagnosis when attending an eye clinic and the Nurse mentioning that I had "Schizophrenia" in my notes.  I was shocked to hear this and made an appointment with my GP who said they didn't have a database box for "Schizoaffective Disorder".  I told her that I didn't have that either and went up to try and meet with the Psychiatrist who had labelled me in 2002.  I did manage to find him that day and he said he'd sort it out.  But he didn't and his wrong diagnosis appeared in my son's Notes when he was a Stratheden IPCU patient in February 2012.  That false label was used to both blame me and justify dehumanising behaviour of staff in locked seclusion room.  "family history of Schizoaffective Disorder"

The damage done by wrong labels over a decade and, to add insult to injury, more recently a Stratheden Hospital manager suggested that I could have the Schizoaffective Disorder diagnosis label removed from my Notes.  Closing the gate after the horse has bolted.  I was forcibly drugged for nearly 2 years because of that label, nearly died through an overdose, have a metal plate on my right fibula which causes pain and muscle strain to my left side, and was blamed in an Adult Protection Investigation Report in 2012 for causing "psychological harm" to my son when Nurses were abusing him.  

Psychiatrists cannot and should not be labelling patients to justify drug cocktail prescribing which causes serious side effects and injury, shortening lives and in my case giving me depression, flatness, anhedonia.  I'm glad that my Dad was a sci-fi writer and to have inherited his scepticism, to be a single-minded woman and person of integrity who cares about others.  I'm thankful that my Mum was a great example of surviving psychiatric abuse, showing me and my family how to overcome and be productive.  

I don't have a mental disorder and take no medication, for anything, so I'm not depressed which is just as well since these last 17yrs after being labelled with mental illness have been very challenging, in all sorts of ways.  Psychiatrists said I had lifelong mental illness but I didn't believe them, tapered the drugs, made a full recovery.  I think this was a surprise to many people, including family members.  Then I became a writer, speaking out prolifically after the February 2012 psychiatric abuse, silenced in many quarters.  My daughter-in-law said I was unpredictable, she was correct.  I like this quality, it makes life interesting and at least I'm not boring.

with youngest son Daniel City Square Dundee 11July19

wearing Krypton Factor Tshirt 1980 practising for assault course
1973 on Muirheads farm, Douglas, Lanark, dogs Pooch beside me & Sheila
c1953 photo of me taken by my Dad with his instamatic camera at Pomarium Flats, Perth

me at 3 or 4, wearing kilt, Kingswell Terr Perth in background, a happy wee girl!
I'm glad to say that I'm still that happy wee girl/auld grannie!  I didn't let the buggers grind me down, Professor Barker.  

Thursday, 25 July 2019

whistleblowing champion

today in Dundee, returning to car after 3ml walk, following a swim earlier in Olympia

This is what I was working on today, taking photos after swimming, to do 3D model of Oor Wullie in bronze on the wall near the McManus, using Reality Capture which my son Daniel has trained me in.  Well done son!

Here is an example of my son's work on Sketchfab:


I've applied for a Whistleblowing Champion post with NHS Scotland because I believe that I fit the criteria and would be an asset.  Plus the money would be useful.  It's not been easy these last 7 years since whistleblowing about the locked seclusion room human rights abuses in Stratheden psychiatric Hospital's IPCU.  I'm glad that our work resulted in a new IPCU, funded by Scottish Government and that others will benefit from this, even if we haven't.  I've had to come to terms with the unfairness and I'm glad to say that I have, by working it out of my system.  [not because a Professor told me to]

Link to Express article 5 October 2014

Interview Stratheden Hospital, Fife, STV News 6 October 2014

Saturday, 20 July 2019

memories of being research fodder for DClinPsy academics

A brief post remembering what it was like to be a person with "lived experience", a survivor of mental illness and psychiatric abuse, participating in DClinPsy (Clinical Psychology Doctorate) user/carer groups at both Edinburgh and Glasgow Universities between 2009 and 2017.  It was a tokenistic, negative experience, being made to feel "less than" and at time likes a zoo animal in a cage, to be honest.

Hopefully it has improved.  I don't know, haven't been back, got banned from Glasgow Mental Health & Wellbeing Unit after 4 July CUSP/user, carer group meeting, and retreated from the Edinburgh APEX equivalent ClinPsy affair.  They had rescinded my "unconditional" PhD offer in May 2017 after about 9mths of raised expectations that were dashed.  Being told that "life isn't fair" and undermining comments regarding my ability to write academic essays.  (I've got 2 postgrad qualifications, latterly in 2008 from Stirling University, a TQFE in Care subjects)

It was in around 2015 at an Early Intervention Psychosis workshop that a senior ClinPsy lecturer from Edinburgh Uni admitted that "service users" were invited to the event as they may be useful for research purposes.  She had forgetten that I used to be one of those "service users", I think.  Psychiatric survivors are a different kettle of fish, especially if escaping lifelong mental illness.

My memory of these years of trying to be "meaningfully involved" was of male academics struggling, a sense of clenched fists and gritted teeth from some, red faces on others, blank looks on one or two, those who had learned to be "mindful" and put on the ACT of listening so as to attain a Professorship.  One of them avoided the user/carer group so I had to claim them as PhD supervisor, to see what they were made of.  A classic act of manipulation which got my goat at the hinter end when they kept catching my other supervisor, who had just recovered from a head injury, on the stairs, to tell them what to say to me at our next meeting.  I was not a happy bunny ....

4 May 2017, after last PhD supervision meeting
9 September 2017 DClinPsy Glasgow protest
It's interesting looking back at these photos, remembering what it felt like.  I was furious at the way they treated me and others with "lived experience".  They set us against each other at meetings by favouring some.  It was dire.  Pet projects and cronyism.  Furthering their own agendas.  It was worse at Glasgow than Edinburgh but neither clinical psychology academic programmes had much to commend them in terms of meaningful involvement of the real folk who matter in mental health, the users, survivors and carers.


Thursday, 18 July 2019

more photogrammetry: Bell Bollard St Andrew's Street, Dundee 18Jul19

My 5th attempt at photogrammetry, using Reality Capture software to create a 3D model of the Bell Bollard on St Andrew's Street, Dundee, on pavement at the corner of St Andrew's Lane:

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Social Prescribing? Yes. [tweets to Lewis Macdonald MSP 16Jul19]

walking up the Law Woods yesterday, climbed to the top

after swimming in the Olympia Dundee 4July19

cycling to Cupar from Springfield 8July19

walking to Trottick Ponds, Dundee, from Mains Castle 28June19

Saturday, 13 July 2019

Elcho Castle by Perth & Cupar Mercat Cross Photogrammetry models on Sketchfab 13/14Jul19

I captured 194 photos of Elcho Castle this afternoon using Canon DSLR and my son Daniel tutored me on how to use Reality Capture to produce this Photogrammetry model for uploading to my Sketchfab account.

My second attempt on 14 July 2019:


Thursday, 4 July 2019

hope I live long enough to see a transformation of how psychosis is treated #RCPsychIC

Some tweets this morning in response to #RCPsychIC:


Reminded me of how I wanted to do a PhD on Safe Houses for Psychosis but didn't feel truly supported by Clinical Psychology Professors, supervising and mentoring.  They had their own agendas and pet projects which is fair enough.  Slumbering time bombs in the wombs of mentally ill mothers and an empowerment app which was nothing of the kind. 

A selfie this morning after daily swim at Olympia Dundee training pool:

wet hair, on Peter St heading for Murraygate then Greggs, cuppa tea, sausage roll ..

French pleated wet hair in Greggs 😃

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

'Daughter of Tayside sci-fi legend (me!) vows to keep literary flame alive' Graeme Strachan @thecourieruk 2Jul19

'Daughter of Tayside sci-fi legend vows to keep literary flame alive' Graeme Strachan, The Courier, 2 July 2019

Space invasion is often a theme of sci-fi writing, films and other media, however in my experience it was becoming a mental patient which invaded my space” 

Willie Patterson’s daughter Chrys Muirhead.
Willie Patterson’s daughter Chrys Muirhead.

The daughter of Tayside sci-fi legend Willie Patterson has vowed to keep his literary flame burning.

Memorable storylines included Hawke being pursued from his moon base to the National Portrait Gallery in London by the spirit of the Mona Lisa, the human race being rescued from the ambitions of an alien estate agent, and a take on man’s first steps into space where the competition was beaten by an Englishman who landed on the moon in a Mini­ Cooper.

In the strip H1760, published on November 21 1959, there is a stone that commemorates the first human landing on the moon, noting that it happened on August 4 1969.

Of course, Neil Armstrong was the first person to step onto the lunar surface on July 21 1969 which was just two weeks before the comic predicted.

It was also the year Patterson’s contract to write Jeff Hawke would come to an end and Jordan took back responsibility for stories and drawings.

Patterson never worked again or came back to Perth and he died in London in 1986.

“I will have to study my dad’s Jeff Hawke stories to garner the themes and develop them, in his memory,” said Chrys.

“Not comic book but in short stories, because I’m not an illustrator and for me it’s words which can conjure up the picture.

“Without a good, clever, innovative storyline then it’s just another drawing.

“I’ve been looking at graphic novels in the library and many seem to fall down on the storytelling, in my opinion anyway.

“I’m attending events these days with authors speaking about their books, to find out tips and to see whether they are as good at telling stories as they are at writing them.

“That’s a fine skill, being able to write as if you were speaking, and vice versa I suppose.

“It’s about holding an audience captive, keeping them interested.”

The Patterson-Jordan period is considered the “true” Jeff Hawke by most fans.


Glad that I got around to eventually reading the Courier Headlines in today's Email!  [It was a busy day, starting with Podiatrist then swim at the Olympia Dundee then a walkabout with my son through Finlathen Park, Eastern Cemetery and Stobsmuir Park/Swanny Ponds back to the car parked at Morrisons supermarket.]

Then when I saw my picture and headline it was a quick dash after 9pm to Cupar Tesco to pick up a couple of copies of the Courier ...


Saturday, 15 June 2019: Tayside legacy of groundbreaking sci-fi comic strip which even predicted the year of the moon landings @thecourieruk