Sunday, 23 June 2019

the benefits of forgiveness; healing, faith; science fiction storytelling

me aged 14
I want to write a bit more about the act of forgiveness as a psychiatric abuse survivor, looking back over 50 years and more of my family as mental patients, the pain, the cost.  From the first memory of my Mother having a "nervous breakdown" after the birth of my youngest sister in 1966 when I was 14 then 1970 another episode and visiting her in Kinnoull locked ward of Murray Royal psychiatric Hospital, Perth, aged 17.  To 1978 when I voluntarily entered Hartwoodhill psychiatric ward, Lanarkshire, when experiencing "puerperal psychosis" after the traumatic birth of my 2nd son who was 3mths old, my breasts bound to stop the milk and being forcibly injected with Chlorpromazine, threatened with ECT (escaped with my husband's help).

Then in every decade after, personally and in support of my 3 sons who also experienced "psychosis" after leaving home for university in the city (Lomond Ward, Stratheden, Fife 1995/6 and Liff Hospital, Dundee, 1999/2000).  Finally the 2012 locked seclusion room human rights abuses in Stratheden psychiatric Hospital, Fife (youngest son), and 2012/3 Carseview Centre inpatient treatment (middle son).  Nothing since, hopefully no more in the future.  I've had more than enough.

youngest son
In 1984 I experienced altered mind states/psychosis after my 3rd son was born, in the maternity hospital, another traumatic, painful, induced labour.  And when in the bath soaking my stitches I had a spiritual experience of God taking me through my childhood years, healing all the hurts [I'd become a Christian in 1981 when reading the gospels]. Later on I realised this was a preparation for what was to come, another "voluntary" admission to Hartwoodhill, courtesy of our local GP, where I was forcibly internally examined and injected with Chlorpromazine, my 3 boys at home, separated from my baby son only one week old, no need to bind my breasts this time around. (memories of peer support in the psychiatric system)

Mum's grave June 2019
at Mum's grave 2Jun19

I count myself very fortunate to have had a good Mother with a Schizophrenia diagnosis, an example to me of loyalty, fortitude, intelligence, and surviving psychiatric treatment.  She lived on a Depixol injection 3wkly for over 20yrs until her peaceful death, 19 March 1998. 

my Dad holding me 1953
To be able to forgive has been a Godsend is how I look at it, I couldn't have done it without faith. Same goes with recovering from "mental illness" which Psychiatrists told me was lifelong and labelled me with a mental disorder in medical Notes to justify the coercive drug prescribing.  It's science fiction not fact and I have my Dad to thank for that inheritance, a sceptical and enquiring mind, asking "why?" rather than "how".  Space invasion with iatrogenic drugs is not therapeutic or healing.  I'm fortunate to have escaped with a 6in titanium plate right fibula and no osteoporosis after max dose Venlafaxine 2002/4 prescibed when depressed due to Risperidone coercively given, Lomond Ward March 2002.

I plan to write a book about my Dad and our family, his scriptwriting of Jeff Hawke sci-fi comic strip for the Daily Express in Fleet St, London, from 1956-69.  And to write science fiction stories, carrying on his legacy, weaving in the many life experiences over the years of engaging with psychiatry, exploring the themes he wrote about from my perspective as a survivor and child-bearer, a grandmother and woman of faith.


Perth Academy Hockey team c1966, me front, 2nd right 😄

Today at Riverside playing fields Dundee:

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