Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Thursday, 8 November 2018

Face the Music in Dundee is doing well!

Well done number one Son!

Wednesday, 7 November 2018

handknit socks on show

With the colder, changeable weather I've started wearing layers of clothes, not trousers which if wet due to rain can be chilly and uncomfortable.  So I wear a sort of uniform: above the knee skirt (covered by long length thick jacket/coat), shorts and tights underneath, with my Berghaus walking boots, sports and handknitted socks which are coming into their own!

I'd already bought a few skirts in 2017 after getting the boots, however I fell in Princes St when running wearing the boots, accompanying my son on buses to ERI for his lung op, cracked my ribs, eventually going to A&E to get it checked out, because it got worse before it got better!  Didn't know this, hadn't cracked ribs before.  Cracked and broke many other bones over the years since childhood, being an active child and person.  Liking a risk.

Here are the socks I've knitted, now wearing in boots:

First pair of socks knitted, Tiffany diamond pattern, 16Apr16
Alpine sock, 29Jan17
Jacobs 4ply pure wool 14Mar17
Austermann Step 4ply German wool zigzag pattern socks, 9Jun17
2nd pair of Austermann Step socks, 8Aug17

Here are some recent tweets of layered outfits before setting out for the 94 bus from Springfield rail station to Leuchars rail station for the 99 to Dundee and swimming lengths in the training pool at the Olympia, Dundee:

I'm still altering kilt skirts to fit and plan to make some others with dress materials I bought from Remnant Kings, Argyle St, Glasgow in 2015/6.

Monday, 5 November 2018

nomadic lifestyle, in transition

Since the end of July when I had back strain after visiting historic sites and went back to swimming weekdays at the Olympia Dundee I've adopted a sort of nomadic lifestyle, travelling there and back, gradually shopping in Dundee for food and clothes.  My two older sons live there, my oldest Grandson, Granddaughter (other Grandson in Lousiana who I've yet to meet, he's now 7).

I've had some very negative experiences on buses, especially since the 64 route to Springfield past Stratheden psychiatric Hospital has been taken over by a new company which has no tracking App or active Twitter account.  So you don't know if or when the bus will appear, if it will be early or late.  The buses are not well made and neither drivers nor passengers are comfortable in transit, rattling along over ruts and speed bumps.

In 2012 I asked our then MSP Rod Campbell SNP to help us get a council house in Dundee but he said he couldn't.  So I tried to get an exchange, also put our names on the housing list there but we were way down the list, not enough points to ever be offered a house similar to what we now have, terraced, gardens front and back etc.  

I also considered private rented accommodation but that's not secure and much more expensive than council housing.  We've been in this house since Easter Monday 1998, shortly after my Mother died in the Adamson Hospital, Cupar, and I felt this was a God-given house, good neighbours, handy for parking, we always had a car until end of 2015.  But the psychiatric abuse of the locked seclusion room and the deterioration of nursing practices scunnered me of living here, continually reminded of what they did to me and my sons, their £4.4m new IPCU a reward from Scottish Government.

In 2002 I had remarried my husband (he said Yes) after getting caught up again in Psychiatric treatment following a menopausal psychosis/spiritual experience, going voluntarily into Lomond Ward Stratheden to be forcibly drugged with toxic chemicals.  He stood with me at Psychiatrist appointments, the father of my 3 sons.  Well done to him.  We separated in 2011, he still supports me financially which I appreciate or we'd be even worse off.  It's not easy when mental health treatment is still in the Dark Ages.  Blaming Mothers for Mental Illness, the Church of/Biological Psychiatry.  Call it what you will but it's way off track, down a dead end street.

The neglect by Fife Council social services of my neighbour of 19yrs whose husband died, she was lonely, isolated, demented, was very scunnering, and to see her in a "home" without her rescue dog, in 2017, the smell of urine in the building, locked in, other "residents" sleeping in chairs, was terrible to witness.  She had worked hard all her life, a forces veteran, paid her taxes, her husband latterly a lollipop man for years in the village.  Yet antisocial behaviour by tenants is rewarded with more support.  There's something far wrong with this equation.  

I'd previously seen another elderly neighbour also be isolated in her home, very little social services support going in.  And that's just near where I live, no doubt replicated elsewhere in Fife.  What are elected members of Parliament doing about this?  I don't know.  I've spectated at health and social care meetings, it wasn't positive.  Action is required, not just talking about it.  

Getting back to swimming, it's helping me get fit, toned up, improving my digestion without having to change diet, just eating less due to being on the move more.  I lift weights by way of shopping bags and rucksack, swinging over my shoulder, side about, saves having to go to the gym.  I've also been walking miles in Dundee city although pavements can be rough on the feet!  Need to toughen up.  On Saturday I tried out the red flume in Leisure Pool at Olympia.  Survived it and the wild waves, will go again, would like to jump off diving boards also, eventually do the faster flumes. 

It's about the long game, life.  

Monday, 15 October 2018

moving to Dundee

We are just waiting to move to Dundee.  Don't know how it will happen as we have no money to do so.  But we've had enough of living in Springfield, Cupar, Fife. 

I did ask Roderick Campbell SNP when he was MSP for North East Fife to help us get a council house in Dundee but he wasn't able to help.  I did try to get an exchange but was unsuccessful despite advertising on various websites and engaging with folk.  I have looked at private rented houses but they are too expensive and I don't want us to move into a flat as we've been used to living in a terraced house here for over 20 years.  It would be too stressful after everything we've been through, the Psychiatric Abuse and bullying in 2012, and since.

It really doesn't pay to be an NHS whistleblower but it had to be done, to improve the situation for others, although we haven't benefitted.  I could not let a health board away with abusing my son and continuing to abuse other patients in Stratheden Hospital.  It had been going on for decades, their use of the locked seclusion room with no toilet, light or water, to "manage" patients.  The dehumanising and bullying culture was allowed to foster in this psychiatric institution, other allied health professionals turning a blind eye and deaf ear.  A corporate affair.

Since having to give up our car at the end of 2015 it's been even more difficult living in Springfield, getting the 64 bus past Stratheden where my son was abused and where the new IPCU was built from the £4.4million awarded to NHS Fife by Scottish Government as a result of our whistleblowing [on being a £4.4million pound fundraiser for NHS Fife].  Well done to my Son for speaking out in public.

Express article 5Oct14

We are doing our best to make ends meet and be productive with our time, it's a challenge, staying well, especially as winter approaches.  I'm 66 years old now and try to swim most days in the Olympia Dundee which involves taking two buses from Springfield and I walk the half mile to catch the Stagecoach 94 at the rail station, changing at St Michaels to a 99.  My son stays at home most of the time, in his room, working on 3D modelling, hoping to eventually be self employed, at some point in the future, after we move out of Fife.  

It's not easy living here on a low income, carrying fresh food back in buses.  Keeping fit is a priority for me just now and I'm just glad to be mobile despite my various health conditions, including the bladder prolapse which happened after a breakdown in 2015, due to the years of campaigning for justice.  The 6in Titanium plate on my right fibula, likely caused by maximum doses of Venlafaxine, prescribed by a Psychiatrist after I voluntarily went into Lomond Ward, Stratheden Hospital, in March 2002 when experiencing a menopausal psychosis, which was also a delayed sadness at the loss of my Mother in 1998.  I had no time that year to fully grieve.  Was too busy trying to complete and graduate from a postgrad in Community Education at Northern College, Dundee, and then find paid work to support my son and I, as a single parent.

graduation PG Dip CE Northern College Dundee 1998
with son Edwin who achieved 1st class Honours Mech Eng Abertay University 1998
with my boys Angus, Daniel & Edwin 1998 Bonnygate Cupar photographer
South Inch, Perth, c1980

Andy Stewart - The Road & The Miles To Dundee

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

A blot on the landscape. They should have closed it down.

My thoughts earlier when about to cycle through the grounds of Strathden psychiatric Hospital:

I've heard too many stories of abuse. 
Fed up with politicians & civil servants rewarding abusive health boards while disadvantaged folk, unwaged carers/Mothers are bullied, blamed, targeted. 
It's very scunnering.

overcoming psychiatric abuse & psychological manipulation

Up early, having retired last night before 10pm, as I'm out the door these weekdays at about 7.25am for the bus to Leuchars then Dundee for swim in Olympia.  Listening to Later Jools which was on last night, catching up on iPlayer.  I'd rather just chill out but wanted to write something about the scapegoating and marginalisation I've experienced because of speaking out about Psychiatric Abuse and Psychological Manipulation.  

link to presentation
I've always been aware of the misuse and abuse of power within psychiatric settings personally since 1978 when I went voluntarily into a mental hospital, Hartwoodhill Lanarkshire, and was forcibly injected with toxic drugs because I resisted.  However it's only in recent years that I've become aware of the issues with Clinical Psychology in practise and academia, through engaging with them since 2004 in Fife and 2009 with Glasgow DClinPsy then 2011 with their Edinburgh chums.  I was continually marginalised and sidelined, it started with the Fife CP and was perpetuated by his cronies in academia.  I believe he is still influential although retired.

Going in for the PhD Clinical Psychology at Edinburgh under Prof Schwannauer took a lot of energy and cost me.  It was toxic.  But it was a useful experience to find out what it was like engaging closeup with these highly paid academics.  I also saw the teaching materials at Edinburgh DClinPsy which I thought were narrow, focused on attachment theory, targeting families, no doubt the influence of Prof Gumley, from his own childhood, blaming Mothers for mental illness.  He shared some of his story with me when we engaged virtually 2015/16 as I was coming through another psychosis.  

link to presentation
I had more insight not less although it was risky for me sharing personal information with his university Email.  I was aware that we weren't really "friends" although I'd befriended the Professor after thinking he had something wrong with him, 25 June 2015, when he was waiting outside 50 George Square, Edinburgh, after a Schizophrenia event, no-one else around.  He behaved oddly, left his phone in the taxi, looked like a lost boy.  I spoke to my doctor friend about it at the time and later.  

2017 was a difficult year engaging with, and exposing, DClinPsy academics, also because of my son experiencing another collapsed lung, operation at ERI and painful recuperation, plus our old neighbour lost her husband and became demented, going into a Home, and we got a new antisocial neighbour, dogs barking, malicious letter from solicitor and police visits.  Glad to say that things have settled down in the neighbourhood, having raised complaints about Housing staff to a Stage 2.  My son and I have both recovered healthwise.  My thyroid cyst was benign and viral throat receded, cracked ribs healed. 

I don't appreciate being manipulated by a boy/man and his cronies then being banished by McLeod for no good reason, bullied at the Edinburgh DClinPsy meetings by misogynists because academics fostered it.  I am still angry about it and have every right to be angry.  I've got 40 years of lived experience surviving psychosis/psychiatry, resisting toxic drugging and making a full recovery from mental illness.  My life and voice are of value in Scotland's mental health world and I should be invited, and paid, to teach and facilitate learning on DClinPsy, Mental Health Nursing and Psychiatry programmes.  I also hold Scottish Government civil servants responsible for failing to support my meaningful involvement in these educational settings.  

I've demonstrated in my own life that it's possible to make a full recovery from a mental disorder (Schizoaffective), tapering a neurotoxin cocktail myself, and have supported my 3 sons in and out of psychiatric settings when experiencing psychosis, helping them to live productively, being an example to them of resisting and overcoming.  I deserve respect for these attributes, skills, abilities, and for surviving psychiatric abuse, three times in 3 different decades.  I will continue to demand respect and to speak out as I see fit.  This is a statement of intent.

1976 with oldest son Edwin in Perth photo booth

left to right, Edwin, Daniel, Angus
Edwin holding Daniel 1985
Edwin wearing BMX jumper I knitted him, of his own bike
Angus wearing BMX jumper I knitted him, of his own bike
Daniel wearing basketweave jacket I knitted him & his sookie shawl

1999 at my sister Frances's wedding, I was Maid of Honour
me with son Daniel in Cupar Crossgate
with Grandson in 2014, Dundee
with Granddaughter 2016, Dundee
in Dundee 27Sep18

Tuesday, 9 October 2018

swimming, jogging, novice Triathlon, wildwater

A wee blog post about fitness.  I'm swimming now up to 6 days a week, mostly Olympia Dundee but also other places when at events or visiting historic sites eg Glasgow and Edinburgh Commonwealth pools, Leith Victoria last Saturday, Perth leisure pool if in the area, Dunfermline Carnegie and Glenrothes.

I'm aiming to be competent at the Novice Triathlon which is swim 400m (16 lengths of 25m pool), 10k cycle and 2k run or jog.  I will have to improve my jogging, never really was a runner.  Not having a car it will be difficult to actually complete in a triathlon but I won't let that put me off improving my fitness to be able to do one!

I'd also like to wildwater swim, in the Tay would be braw!  Being brought up in Perth my Dad always told me not to swim in the Tay so it would be lovely to do so as a pensioner.  Coming full circle.

it was a 50m pool! got the numbers wrong


Saturday, 6 October 2018

"it is (in) the wider interests of the mental health community in Scotland that you do not attend"

Received by Email on 25 September 2018:

"Dear Mrs Muirhead 

Regrettably, we cannot accept your application to attend the Annual Scientific Meeting of the NRS Mental Health Network on the 9th of November 2018. At such events in recent years attendees have complained that you have disrupted the proceedings. Service users and carers in particular have complained that these disruptions have made them feel stressed. Accordingly, we think that it is the wider interests of the mental health community in Scotland, and those seeking to build relations between mental health professionals and service users/carers, that you do not attend.


NRS Mental Health Network Management Group"


Professor Stephen Lawrie is the NRS Mental Health Network Director.  Here he is, back row on the right, arm up in the air, living it up at a British Association for Psychopharmacology event in 2016:


NRS MH Network have blocked me on twitter from the beginning.  They used to be called the Scottish Mental Health Research Network and they also blocked me on twitter, similarly Lawrie's colleague Prof Andrew McIntosh. 


There is no room for critical or questioning voices within this "research" network headed up by Prof Lawrie who appears to be the puppet master and pharma stooge, a proponent of biological psychiatry and someone who doesn't respect the voice of a Psychiatric Abuse survivor Mother, unwaged Carer, Whistleblower, human rights campaigner in mental health.  I exposed the locked seclusion room abuses in Stratheden Hospital, Fife, which had been going on for decades.  This psychiatric hospital covers the area of St Andrews where I believe Lawrie is from.  So in effect I was doing his work for nothing while he gets rich silencing the voices of those who expose bad practices and question dubious science.

I didn't expect that my application to attend would be accepted, having attended their event last year in the Queen Elizabeth Teaching and Learning Centre, Glasgow, where I did heckle, also making a wee video, speaking to myself at the lunch break:

Par for the course, being blocked, silenced, banished from mental health events because I won't just lie down and take it.  I've 3 times resisted coercive psychiatric drug treatment and been forced to conform, tapering the drugs eventually under my own steam, proving mental illness to be a psychiatric construct.  I've got the scars and injuries to show for it.  Metal plate right fibula, after 3 fractures when walking down a stair in March 2005 at a job interview in Cupar Libary (got the job), bone loss due to max dose Venlafaxine at the menopause.  An antidepressant drug that flattened me, caused suicidal impulse and led to me being prescribed the toxic drug Lithium. 

I believe that "service users and carers" linked to Prof Lawrie's NRS MH network will be fully signed up conscripts to the biomedical model of mental illness, biological psychiatry, and that any resistance to the dogma will be met with banishment.  That's been my experience since 2008 when I first got involved in MH matters via the Scottish Recovery Network which never was, rather a government arm, targeting people on benefits.  I said this back then at an Aberdeen SRN event and was silenced by their Director who now works with Prof Gumley on his Empower Project which is really about disempowerment.  Keeping people in the system, on the drugs, dependent, or so I suspect.
Narrow corridors and pet projects.
"It's not a game when your children have been abused in psychiatric settings, forcibly drugged and locked in a cell with no toilet, water or light, in the dark for hours at a time, unobserved.  Very risky practices.  I didn't see any Clinical Psychologists speaking out about this.  Or standing with whistleblowing Mothers campaigning for justice.  They prefer to constrain, manipulate or silence our voices.  A misuse and abuse of academic power, in my opinion.  And I'm entitled to have an opinion and to state it.  Even if it results in banishment from Glasgow DClinPsy.  So be it."


Friday, 5 October 2018

update on my complaint about Dr Dada locum psychiatrist NHS Fife who accused me of racism

Thursday, 7 June 2018: complaint about Dr Dada letter dated 22 February 2018, allegation of racism

I had to resend my Email complaint 3 months later, 7Sep18, having received no response, and got this reply from Clinical Service Manager, NHS Fife, Lesley Tweedie, on 14Sep18:

to which I responded today in an Email, after taking some time to reflect on the letter:

"Dear Mrs Tweedie

I am responding to the letter you sent me dated 14 September 2018, see copy attached. 

I have taken some time to consider before replying. 

I was concerned to read that Dr Dada as a locum psychiatrist with NHS Fife could write a false allegation about me in a letter and not be answerable, because he has left Fife Health Board.  That in effect this doctor could say what he liked without any proof and it remains in my Notes even although he didn't know me, had only sat down with me the once at a meeting for about 10mins, which was a very negative experience, he was 30mins late and behaved aggressively towards me.  Following which I had to raise a complaint. 

I have been treated very badly by Dr Temi Dada and he has gotten away with it, is not accountable for his lies written about me in a headed NHS Fife letter and his bullying behaviour towards me in person at Weston Day Hospital in February. 

Therefore, as there is nothing else I can do to get justice, I agree to your suggestion about the recorded note.  What you have written will suffice and I also plan to write my own letter to Dr Lucy Dow, Eden Villa Medical Practice, Cupar Health Centre, copied to Dr Finlay Macdonald who I also have consulted with, to say that I had no issues with Dr Dada being a black person.  I did have issues with his bullying and intimidating behaviour. 

Regards, Chrys

cc others who were copied in to 7Sep18 Email, for their information"

I think this process and outcome is a perfect demonstration of the misuse and abuse of power in psychiatry.  They can write false allegations, bully and intimidate a patient behind closed doors and not be accountable for their actions.

I am still waiting for another appointment to see a Psychiatrist to discuss and update my Advance Statement.

Sunday, 30 September 2018

still flowering in our garden 30Sep18, some solitaires!

back garden:

wild orange Poppy
Lavender. Begonias.
Hydrangea. Cyclamen & Primulas to plant out.
more Lavender beside Primulas

front garden:


Chrysanthemums in the middle!
more Roses
Gladioli type flowers

another wild orange Poppy
red Poppy hiding!
white Sweet Pea
We've been having some cold weather in my birthday month of September (I was 66 years young on the 28th) so I didn't think there would be so many flowers still surviving.

Here is the birthday card from my youngest son Daniel!