The worthlessness of being an unpaid carer and psychiatric survivor activist. Speaking out against human rights abuses and bad practice. Unemployable. Unpopular. Uninvited.
The reality of the "expert by experience" role in mental health matters. A tick box affair. An adjunct to the academics. Giving their theories credibility. Keeping them in well-paid jobs. Keeping the mental illness mantra alive and kicking.
The realisation that there is no money in having a conscience and little income to be had in Scotland's mental health world if an independent thinker, critical of empire medals and brown nosing.
But despite this I will continue to demand that Scottish Government create proper jobs for people with lived experience of surviving psychiatry and expect a positive outcome. For why should I have to make do and mend when they are living like pigs in clover?